Love?

Am I able to say it now?
Am I able to return?
For the emotionally unattached,
Won't I be torn?

Let us say,
Enough time had passed
That there was such emotion
Lurking at last

A great addition, but I stay still then sit.
Because I don't know what to do with it.

Everlasting

And anticipation burns through my throat
As I struggled to strike
Thoughts bewildered, stupidness agrees
My heartbeat's on a spike

The moment drags on
Not what plans foretold
Nor dreams fantasized
Things meant to be, out on the cold

There was no turning back,
But it did
Thinking of the situation,
It should have let itself slid

Too bad, I can't turn
Those moments back
There will be another chance
To plan another attack

Surprise

Behold! You see, I've something for you
I have kept you with a lie from the truth
To become one with such unsuspecting eyes
So that there is shock, at the moment it belies
More then, do their eyes sparkle with joy
Receiving great feedback worthy of the ploy
Exhiliration and Appreciation tickled their limbs
The best of the best reaction as it seemed


Surprises. You may say that it is one that i like to keep close to me.
Receiving under least expectancy.
Knowing things that seem unordinary.
Last minute knowledge beyond omniscience.
You may even say that it is the reason I try out many things.
Tennis, Track and Field, Taekwondo, French, and Dancing. Do not get me wrong, it was fun while it lasted, however, the want to surprise people has been a small motivation to these unrelated interests.
However, due to my outgoing nature, these attempts have been deemed normal as a "Bryce." And it becomes ordinary from what was expected.
But, I'll keep trying, because surprises have always put smiles on peoples faces.

Let us try when the time comes

Closer and closer, that day seem to be
Though determined, seems like infinity
Yearning for the day for us to meet
On a fine restaurant or maybe even on a street

Our worlds attracted,
None can pursue us
As we reacted,
To spark our interests

Though, maybe,
Just from my side
This destiny of ours,
Will you abide?

As you enter the realm covered by a dark blanket
As you fill up the room with your existence
As I desert automatic inputs
As I tremble every time to connect the pieces

There will be a time for two
For Unspoken Words
And Great Tragedies
Still, with hope, let us try.

Dietary Solution

Fat, fat, fat, fat
Yeah, I could fit a whole yacht
Got flabs up everywhere
When delineated, noone'll stop and stare

Eat me, Bite me
Sever my arms and legs
Yet still THEY won't suffer
As if I drink beer in kegs

So I ran, ate less
Still the same, I confess
However, to my astounds
Lost big old one oh pounds

Still needing to lose it
Hope it stays my intent
For gaining these big weights,
It's the only way to repent


Well, I might have stretched the truth here. But, I've always seen myself as a fat person. Many people do not see it or they deny my view. But, I don't feel quite right. There are many outfits that I don't fit anymore.
Anyways, I started out a bit of dieting the start of the year. More running which I wasn't able to do at all  last year and eating less of sweets, junk food and all those things.

Hopeless Romantic

It is true that I am hopeless in Romanticism, in more ways than one.
My eyes never steady for THAT one.
Shifting left and right for all these years.
It's true, I never had loved someone at first sight.
And, as I become closer to others.
Their gears have already seen me as a different person, or they have found someone of interest.
But, now, my love still grows.
As time passes, my need to burst my love out also takes form.
I'm hoping for a girlfriend.

A Reminder

A reminder of a fleeting past
Of words and literature
Voluntarily tasked
With poems and words with stature

Cast'd by the silver moon
A reminder, at last?
Trinkling by the shadows
With small traces like dust

Momentary Expressions
Genuine Infatuations
Self Vindications
All of which helped with short-lived narrow visions

Must I say more?
There shan't be continuation
The lack of audience
Does not provide insolation

As it will never reach
Those involved
You(R) cheer
But it reciprocates little resolve

Another

The feeling of another
Its lustrous warmth
Felt by an ivory cave
Its very core darked

The image of beauty
Or is it royale?
Most surely,
She is the femmes fatale

Nerves in confusion
Thoughts begin to link
Actions stopped,
To the brain it was bequeathed

None-guaranteed
To become like the others
What must one do
For the feeling of another

Restraint!
A surrender would suffice
Should one want to
Never pay the price

Stories to be told...etc

Throughout my youth and beyond, I had always accumulated on experiences and stories, sometimes twisted to an extent, and they were utilized in forms of persuasion, comedic reactions, starter for conversations, and moral thought. In recent times, however, I was driven to myself to understand that my arsenal has diminished by so much. I could neither blame age nor can I blame time for this phenomenon.
What I can aggressively accuse is the mountain of stress strapped behind my back. Continuously performing duties in both education and occupation, I have forgotten the lifestyle of no stress when at certain hours, I wonder why I had murmured my schedule for the day out loud, examining contradictions or paradoxes within it.
And to continue the blame, I would have to loyally point at my lack of specialized activities, those(for me) that are stress inducing. I have failed in extending the continuity of the said activities. These include: tennis, basketball, band, punching the wall and indulging self in seemingly strong alcohol(soda lol). There are many reasons for each, and why I cannot pursue to begin with them again.
Tennis- Through the year of tennis, yes that is 1 year only, I believed that we were all so close. I believed that we would hang out with each other a lot. I believed that tennis would bring us all together in the end. But, I was mistaken. It was not at all like that. They expected me to come through as if, I am not such a wanted person in the team. In spite of all the things I have done for the team, they do not go as far as to at least wanting me to join. In time thereafter, I tried to play tennis by self or some others but with no success. I was not friends with other tennis players and tennis is not a great game for one capacity.
Basketball- Through and through again, this was the family sport. Very evidently, my two older brothers were in a duration each in basketball varsity for high school. But, I was always the weakling. I do not take favors as demands. I was too stubborn and eventually I fell out of love of basketball because of some incidents.
Band- I loved loved loved band since middle school. This new-found dedication broke the legacy of basketball for the Briones Brothers. To me, it was like a sport to be given a great amount of fortitude, belief, and respect. But, having to be in JFK where there were not much of a full band, where individuals are talented but not in the orchestral band way,where I was able to further my skills in the clarinet. As time goes by, I have not touched a clarinet inevitably losing all that I have learned. And, friends in that certain interest have all been scattered or are just like me, unable to further or maintain their previous skill in the orchestral art. The latter activity, would be by punching the wall. It is probably the most stupid idea out of the choices. The pain it brings it stress inducing but the drawback from it includes numbing and extreme pain in the knuckles. Small cuts would sometimes arise or a numbing may prevent some activities. It isn't very smart and it becomes too noticeable when it gets hurt. Plus, punching the wall as hard as you can takes guts, which would weaken gradually every time it is performed. Soda isn't too well stress inducing therefore it does not need any more attention than that. The absent of these in my life really hinder progress in my mental state.

Unexpected Return

Sooner than I thought,
I have returned
Not by need, not by want,
Not by curiosity, but by expectations
But, yet again, they are turned down
As one as melancholy as myself would figure
There's no saving this place,
My thoughts will become disfigured

It has really been quite a while
Since I stepped into this journal,
So many things so new,
That the recalled sadness seems nocturnal

Though, by guess and calculations,
My theory remain outstanding,
That there was so much,
Houdinis, in front of me, standing

Yet, now, I feel a connection that may,
Actually, stay, a place where I can be,
I have need for protection,
I have no need to flee
But, behind the security,
There will be a doubt,
A doubt so strong about having everything,
Actually burn to the ground
.......I'd rather it not.

The feelings of friends had become to be acquaintances. The long lasting friendships turn into unexpected strangers. As I jot down my thought here again, I realize, I have lost more hope into humanity and yet I still focus on them.

I do now have closer friends, in a very small group, that I feel that I could trust. For now, I will be beside them, care for them, protect them, and help them. And, may it stay like that for a long while.