Stories to be told...etc

Throughout my youth and beyond, I had always accumulated on experiences and stories, sometimes twisted to an extent, and they were utilized in forms of persuasion, comedic reactions, starter for conversations, and moral thought. In recent times, however, I was driven to myself to understand that my arsenal has diminished by so much. I could neither blame age nor can I blame time for this phenomenon.
What I can aggressively accuse is the mountain of stress strapped behind my back. Continuously performing duties in both education and occupation, I have forgotten the lifestyle of no stress when at certain hours, I wonder why I had murmured my schedule for the day out loud, examining contradictions or paradoxes within it.
And to continue the blame, I would have to loyally point at my lack of specialized activities, those(for me) that are stress inducing. I have failed in extending the continuity of the said activities. These include: tennis, basketball, band, punching the wall and indulging self in seemingly strong alcohol(soda lol). There are many reasons for each, and why I cannot pursue to begin with them again.
Tennis- Through the year of tennis, yes that is 1 year only, I believed that we were all so close. I believed that we would hang out with each other a lot. I believed that tennis would bring us all together in the end. But, I was mistaken. It was not at all like that. They expected me to come through as if, I am not such a wanted person in the team. In spite of all the things I have done for the team, they do not go as far as to at least wanting me to join. In time thereafter, I tried to play tennis by self or some others but with no success. I was not friends with other tennis players and tennis is not a great game for one capacity.
Basketball- Through and through again, this was the family sport. Very evidently, my two older brothers were in a duration each in basketball varsity for high school. But, I was always the weakling. I do not take favors as demands. I was too stubborn and eventually I fell out of love of basketball because of some incidents.
Band- I loved loved loved band since middle school. This new-found dedication broke the legacy of basketball for the Briones Brothers. To me, it was like a sport to be given a great amount of fortitude, belief, and respect. But, having to be in JFK where there were not much of a full band, where individuals are talented but not in the orchestral band way,where I was able to further my skills in the clarinet. As time goes by, I have not touched a clarinet inevitably losing all that I have learned. And, friends in that certain interest have all been scattered or are just like me, unable to further or maintain their previous skill in the orchestral art. The latter activity, would be by punching the wall. It is probably the most stupid idea out of the choices. The pain it brings it stress inducing but the drawback from it includes numbing and extreme pain in the knuckles. Small cuts would sometimes arise or a numbing may prevent some activities. It isn't very smart and it becomes too noticeable when it gets hurt. Plus, punching the wall as hard as you can takes guts, which would weaken gradually every time it is performed. Soda isn't too well stress inducing therefore it does not need any more attention than that. The absent of these in my life really hinder progress in my mental state.

Unexpected Return

Sooner than I thought,
I have returned
Not by need, not by want,
Not by curiosity, but by expectations
But, yet again, they are turned down
As one as melancholy as myself would figure
There's no saving this place,
My thoughts will become disfigured

It has really been quite a while
Since I stepped into this journal,
So many things so new,
That the recalled sadness seems nocturnal

Though, by guess and calculations,
My theory remain outstanding,
That there was so much,
Houdinis, in front of me, standing

Yet, now, I feel a connection that may,
Actually, stay, a place where I can be,
I have need for protection,
I have no need to flee
But, behind the security,
There will be a doubt,
A doubt so strong about having everything,
Actually burn to the ground
.......I'd rather it not.

The feelings of friends had become to be acquaintances. The long lasting friendships turn into unexpected strangers. As I jot down my thought here again, I realize, I have lost more hope into humanity and yet I still focus on them.

I do now have closer friends, in a very small group, that I feel that I could trust. For now, I will be beside them, care for them, protect them, and help them. And, may it stay like that for a long while.