A great power comes great responsibility, an actor in a movie had said(to be specific, Kung Fu HUstle). I do not have such things. I'm somewhat good at making grades, but I'm not very excellent. In regards to sports, I can play the average joe or might be lower. I catch the concept but had not really succeeded in excelling in it. You can say I hadn't pursued it with the outmost interest?? I do not know myself. I do joke about being greater, smarter, darker, superior, better, and sexier, but I, myself, have no real anything to be able to prove any of that(except "darker" since my skin is so evident). Ahhhh, Sorry guys, the topic is my conceitedness.
One thing people might say is that I'm smart. Quite frankly, I do not really like hearing that from everyone. I'm only good in math. No doubt I'm somewhat more dedicated and stronger in the math area. I just don't know. Maybe, it's that I get called smart and get beaten at something with a more sophisticated level. It's somewhat depressing. I'm not really the most serious guy around, but there is only a limit to my potential. I know this and accepted this. This is one of the facts I had contemplated on and decided on its meaning. That's one of my achievements,, decoding what is simple. Always, in my life, though, I had failed on things miserably.
When you see me, you won't really think I would speak as I am with this blog. NO, people think of me as the funny or if not the talkative one. Some people even think I'm optimistic, maybe this will change their minds. Throughout my middle and high school years, you can say I hear a second voice. A voice unique to myself, my conscience. What is this conscience good at?? PITY!! I repeat, Pity!!! The things I do, the things i did, and the things I don't like to do, I believe my conscience have affected them. Well, there are things other people think about. Mine might be a bit unorthodox, don't you think??
You probably already know I don't read books that much. Actually, I don't read books that I would finish, i mean, even if i had started on it, I don't have the willpower to finish it. I don't really like to read, you know?? Who do I blame though?? Who head shall this finger point to?? An answer would be the makers of corrective reading. After corrective reading, I slowed down on reading. I was fast, before, taking breaths only on critical moments. But, now, I do feel slow, slow and slower. How would a marksman feel after missing an easy target all too often when he was well renowned in his prime years?? How would a boxer feel after missing a punch which he knew he could have connected?? How would a body builder or even a runner feel after being only able to finish half of his daily routine?? Doubt, Self pity, Lost?? Yes, that's how i feel. I don't read because of that feeling, the feeling of regret and pity. I probably pity myself more than anyone,, is it just because of my nature?? The only reasons why I read is because I have to, really. Things that I am forced into or something like that. I never really, leisurely read with feelings of enthusiasm and love. The same goes for other things I'm not good at. People might say, "You can do it if you try" right after reading the previous sentence. I don't really believe it but I will nod my head. I don't want to let my friends down. I don't want a fight to erupt. I'm not a fighter. But, confusion strikes when two of my friends fight. I don't want to be messed up. I try to stay neutral and not bring about more clamor to the flames. Isn't that just being a coward?? Had someone taken my voice against these calamities?? Yes, I do feel like a coward. A good-for-nothing coward. The thought of no blood spilled, is that wishful thinking?? Wishing it wouldn't help it come true. I truly am good-for-nothing. I can't even do anything for anyone. I've told of how i want to protect friends. I'm not really sure if my story was the whole reason. It may be or it may not be, forgetting the friends that I was so close to. Yes,, It boils down to that right?? I believe that it is not the whole story. I probably already had a sense of friendship since ever since. It is part of my nature. The events probably multiplied its power within me. I could say that, but what have i done to protect others??
Is scaring away from a fight really protecting my friends?? You could say no. I believe that, too. But, would it not worsen?? My neutral stance to keep my friends. Isn't that a greater purpose?? Speaking of which, what can i do for my friends to protect them?? I am soooo useless. I do not know martial arts. I do not fancy myself as persuading. I have been a let-down, and it sucks to feel that. I haven't ever been able to protect anybody. My life is useless if I had not accomplished my goal. Isn't that how they justify the game. Whoever reaches the goal first wins?? At this rate, I wouldn't be able to protect anyone at all. Then, this life would surely be worthless. What you want to do can be achieved??? I want to be able to protect them,, have the power to do so. It's not just a fleeting dream, right? Having the ability to protect someone. I do envy those in anime. Having a belief and achieving it too.
What did I do to get better on this game of life I have yet to go all-in with?? It might not count, but I really do take on new things. Is this a solution?? Probably not. There are many other ways to get better. I know, I know. Joining many things, wouldn't that increase your number of friends. And it would escalate on my need to get stronger. I have been so passive this life that I don't really know what other things I can do though. Being in many things, would that hinder my development?? I guess it is a considerably good solution. Maybe, if it's like this, no one will ever see this side of me. The side of being unwanted. Through my eyes, being down. I have yet to really show it, this side of me. It is because of my uselessness. Always able to wear a smile, my forgetfulness might have been useful. Isn't that useless, forgetting it all like a coward. I wonder if protecting someone will remedy my whole story. Something i had something to do with. But, that day has yet to come. This old and not yet?? Wouldn't u feel useless, too??
I know this has been long. But, bear with me. I have been asking a lot of questions. Do you feel as i do? I hope not. I hope you don't have to go through something like this. I have exerted much thinking into these topics. Relaxed as I am, I do still about these complex thoughts. I hope I get better.
I am going to put up another post so to try to cover up this one. Heh. i dont think anyone is up this late. Oh well, if you see this and you know me. Please, Please, Please treat as you would any other day. My inability to hide this and not cause others to worry might manifest another pity. Thx for reading.
One thing people might say is that I'm smart. Quite frankly, I do not really like hearing that from everyone. I'm only good in math. No doubt I'm somewhat more dedicated and stronger in the math area. I just don't know. Maybe, it's that I get called smart and get beaten at something with a more sophisticated level. It's somewhat depressing. I'm not really the most serious guy around, but there is only a limit to my potential. I know this and accepted this. This is one of the facts I had contemplated on and decided on its meaning. That's one of my achievements,, decoding what is simple. Always, in my life, though, I had failed on things miserably.
When you see me, you won't really think I would speak as I am with this blog. NO, people think of me as the funny or if not the talkative one. Some people even think I'm optimistic, maybe this will change their minds. Throughout my middle and high school years, you can say I hear a second voice. A voice unique to myself, my conscience. What is this conscience good at?? PITY!! I repeat, Pity!!! The things I do, the things i did, and the things I don't like to do, I believe my conscience have affected them. Well, there are things other people think about. Mine might be a bit unorthodox, don't you think??
You probably already know I don't read books that much. Actually, I don't read books that I would finish, i mean, even if i had started on it, I don't have the willpower to finish it. I don't really like to read, you know?? Who do I blame though?? Who head shall this finger point to?? An answer would be the makers of corrective reading. After corrective reading, I slowed down on reading. I was fast, before, taking breaths only on critical moments. But, now, I do feel slow, slow and slower. How would a marksman feel after missing an easy target all too often when he was well renowned in his prime years?? How would a boxer feel after missing a punch which he knew he could have connected?? How would a body builder or even a runner feel after being only able to finish half of his daily routine?? Doubt, Self pity, Lost?? Yes, that's how i feel. I don't read because of that feeling, the feeling of regret and pity. I probably pity myself more than anyone,, is it just because of my nature?? The only reasons why I read is because I have to, really. Things that I am forced into or something like that. I never really, leisurely read with feelings of enthusiasm and love. The same goes for other things I'm not good at. People might say, "You can do it if you try" right after reading the previous sentence. I don't really believe it but I will nod my head. I don't want to let my friends down. I don't want a fight to erupt. I'm not a fighter. But, confusion strikes when two of my friends fight. I don't want to be messed up. I try to stay neutral and not bring about more clamor to the flames. Isn't that just being a coward?? Had someone taken my voice against these calamities?? Yes, I do feel like a coward. A good-for-nothing coward. The thought of no blood spilled, is that wishful thinking?? Wishing it wouldn't help it come true. I truly am good-for-nothing. I can't even do anything for anyone. I've told of how i want to protect friends. I'm not really sure if my story was the whole reason. It may be or it may not be, forgetting the friends that I was so close to. Yes,, It boils down to that right?? I believe that it is not the whole story. I probably already had a sense of friendship since ever since. It is part of my nature. The events probably multiplied its power within me. I could say that, but what have i done to protect others??
Is scaring away from a fight really protecting my friends?? You could say no. I believe that, too. But, would it not worsen?? My neutral stance to keep my friends. Isn't that a greater purpose?? Speaking of which, what can i do for my friends to protect them?? I am soooo useless. I do not know martial arts. I do not fancy myself as persuading. I have been a let-down, and it sucks to feel that. I haven't ever been able to protect anybody. My life is useless if I had not accomplished my goal. Isn't that how they justify the game. Whoever reaches the goal first wins?? At this rate, I wouldn't be able to protect anyone at all. Then, this life would surely be worthless. What you want to do can be achieved??? I want to be able to protect them,, have the power to do so. It's not just a fleeting dream, right? Having the ability to protect someone. I do envy those in anime. Having a belief and achieving it too.
What did I do to get better on this game of life I have yet to go all-in with?? It might not count, but I really do take on new things. Is this a solution?? Probably not. There are many other ways to get better. I know, I know. Joining many things, wouldn't that increase your number of friends. And it would escalate on my need to get stronger. I have been so passive this life that I don't really know what other things I can do though. Being in many things, would that hinder my development?? I guess it is a considerably good solution. Maybe, if it's like this, no one will ever see this side of me. The side of being unwanted. Through my eyes, being down. I have yet to really show it, this side of me. It is because of my uselessness. Always able to wear a smile, my forgetfulness might have been useful. Isn't that useless, forgetting it all like a coward. I wonder if protecting someone will remedy my whole story. Something i had something to do with. But, that day has yet to come. This old and not yet?? Wouldn't u feel useless, too??
I know this has been long. But, bear with me. I have been asking a lot of questions. Do you feel as i do? I hope not. I hope you don't have to go through something like this. I have exerted much thinking into these topics. Relaxed as I am, I do still about these complex thoughts. I hope I get better.
I am going to put up another post so to try to cover up this one. Heh. i dont think anyone is up this late. Oh well, if you see this and you know me. Please, Please, Please treat as you would any other day. My inability to hide this and not cause others to worry might manifest another pity. Thx for reading.
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